There is a concept in Judaism of what is called in Hebrew Lashon HaRah (loshen hora in yiddish), which literally means evil/bad tongue/language. It means speaking ill of another person (by some interpretations, specifically of a fellow Jew). Commonly translated as gossip, the umbrella term loshen hora includes any derogatory speech whether or not the words related are God’s honest truth.

In 1873, a rabbi by the name of Israel Meir HaCohen Kagan (commonly referred to as The Chofetz Chaim) published a collection of lessons clarifying the laws regrding evil talk and gossip. In this work, known as Sefer Chofetz Chaim, it is demonstrated through text, definition, explanation and example just how great is the sin of Lashon HaRah. It is the sin that destroys the world according to the Chofetz Chaim because it is the sin committed by the serpent in the garden, planting seeds of suspicion and doubt in the mind of Eve, who in turn ate the fruit of the forbidden tree, which introduced into the world pain, labor and mortality.

One can easily see the damage that can be done with “mere words” by watching almost any episode of Seinfeld (you only have to watch one. I promise. Not even a whole episode. You can do it, I have faith in you!). One sentence, one accusation, one miscommunication, a word, a lie, a truth, a piece of embarassing information, these are things that can ruin a person’s day, damage a reputation, cause the downfall of a career. Lashon HaRah also includes indulging others in their gossip by giving ear to, or even not rebuking them. It is a Jew’s duty not to lead another Jew astray, and thus not encourage such behavior.

From this comes the principle of Shmirat Lashon: guarding one’s tongue. It’s a simple matter of awareness, like everything else in Judaism. Keep an eye on what you say at all times. Don’t indulge in petty talebearing that might in any way harm another. There are extenuating circumstances of course, but it’s a good rule of thumb to follow.

I’ve been paying close attention to my own speech of late and I am suprised at how often I find myself tempted to relate something about another person, something they said something they did, to someone else. I’m suprised too at how often I find myself listening to others who do the same. So I’ve been catching myself and hopefully at least 9 times out of ten, I realize soon enough to stop myself.

It’s the other side of the equation that is a little more difficult. When I’m sitting at the breakroom table at work and someone starts to tell me a story about someone we work with, or about a customer, its difficult to find a graceful way to say “I don’t really want to hear about that.” In almost every case I find that it’s best to default to kindness and understanding, and giving people the benefit of the doubt rather than complaining about them. It just works out better for everyone when you try to find every silver lining. It’s not just a matter of religious principle. It’s simply good sense. But not everyone abides by this principle and not everyone has the same sense of good sense. Now if the person were a Jew whom I knew to have an understanding about Jewish law and tradition, I could smilingly make a comment about Lashon Harah, and they’d probably get the message. With others, I have to find other ways around it.

Lashon Harah is why I left my synagogue. It’s why I avoid my family. I tell you, it can be rough. Real rough.