I went to the Yeshiva yesterday (Friday… part of the weekend here) to talk to Reb Shmuel who is one of our Roshei Yeshiva. I needed to talk to someone about some particular concerns that have been arising for me with regards to my halachic observance and my place in the Conservative Movement, and my concerns about rabbinical school. He gave me some good advice and some reassurance, let me know that what I was thinking and feeling was reasonable and not completely out of left field.

He also told me that he was very glad that I was here at the Yeshiva, that it was good to see someone who was as intelligent and serious and self-aware and articulate as I was and who was working on their Judaism and their learning like I was… and he told me that he thought I could really benefit from another year here at the Yeshiva.

Now I’ve been thinking about this pretty much since I got here. But hearing Reb Shmuel say it… well, he made it seem real, like a real option. It felt like the moment I knew for sure that I was coming here in the first place. I think it would be really unfortunate if I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity I have here to learn that much more in a serious immersion environment that isn’t geared toward a career in the rabbinate… because that is not what I want out of rabbinical school. I’m not looking for a job, I’m looking for learning. I want school, not training for a trade.

After our meeting I sat down to go over a sugya that my chevruta and I had been having particular trouble with on Thursday. After a few minutes of struggling through with the Jastrow and the Frank, who should walk in but… my chevruta!

“Harris!”

“Gella!”

“I’m so glad you’re here!”

“I’m so glad you’re here!”

“Do you want to-”

“-go over the sugya?? Yes!!”

So we sat down and wracked our brains over who was saying what to whom, what point they were trying to get across, what they meant precisely by the word “gibul” in the context of kemach and in the context of dyo… eventually one of our friends who is in the next talmud level up came over and helped us with the Rashi… which clarified things quite a bit, but not entirely. Reb Shmuel walked by a few minutes later and we asked if we could check with him if we were understanding it right. He confirmed most of our conclusions and helped us with the rest. When we were confident that we understood and thanked him he said “Go over it a few more times.” Harris and I looked at each other hesitantly for half a second and then went back over the sugya, alternating the reading and translating and clarifying/explaining three times. After the third time we looked up at each other again. After about five seconds of silence…

“We have to do this with everything.”

“Yes. Yes, we do. Three times reviewing everything we study.”

“When are we going to find time to do that?”

“I don’t know… but we have to.”

“Yes. We absolutely do.”

It was a wonderful moment. Wonderful because we came to a realization of what we needed to be doing with our learning to get the most out of it, and wonderful because we were 100% on the same page about it, because we each knew that the other was completely committed to this.

Harris is 18, and here with Nativ. He will be leaving in January for the second half of his program on a kibbutz. I don’t know what I will do without him.